Teenagers in New York
by musicalPIMP
Summary: Two high school students go on a trip to New York after just finishing high school. When they get to NYC they find unexpected travelers in their trunk and their luggage back home. With 80 dollars and no place to stay how long will they last?
1. Welcome to Fucking New York

**This is the same story you might have found on "1t 2 be me's" site. We just moved locations. The story is baciclly the same except for the point of view**

**By: Stephanie W. and Jane D.**

Chapter 1: Welcome to Fucking New York

(Stephanie) "Shit!" Jane cursed as she opened the trunk to car.

"What?" I asked from my place in the passenger's seat.

"There are three people in our trunk!"

"What? How?" I asked wrenching open the door and moving to join Jane at the back of the car.

I stared into the depths of the trunk when suddenly something popped out, two somethings actually. "We're the Katies!" the blonde girls shouted while waving their hands in an overly dramatic display.

"And Lillian!" a third figure called emerging from the trunk.

"Jane!" I yelled exasperated. "I told you to check the trunk before we left Springfield!"

"You're not a retard," Jane said huffily. "You could have done it yourself."

"Where are we?" Lillian asked pulling herself completely out of the trunk. "It seems like we drove for days."

"That's because we did, loser," Jane answered. "We're in New York."

"New York!" the Katies cried together in a way that seemed to almost to go against the laws of nature, two people shouldn't be as similar as those two were.

"Lillian," I sighed looking at the petite Asian girl before me. "I told you that you couldn't come."

"So," Lillian said with a shrug. "I decided I could and I brought my friends too."

Jane stood there staring at the Katies as if they were some sort of alien life forms that beamed her into their spaceship and were preparing to probe. "Are you like twins are something? Because if you are your parents were bastards for naming you the same thing."

"Nope," the girls said in unison, they didn't always talk in unison but it did happen more often than was comfortable. "We've just been friends forever."

"Well so have Stephanie and I," Jane said giving them a funny look. "But you don't see us popping out of other people's trunks, yelling 'We're the Stephs and Janes' and waving our hands in some truly ridicules way."

"So what's the plan?" Lillian asked me looking way to chipper for someone who just spent days locked in the trunk of a Toyota Cressida. "Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, or are you going to skip all the tourist crap and check out the local bars?"

"We, as in Jane and I," I said pointing to Jane then to myself to illustrate the point. "Are going to find a place to stay. As for you three, you're going to stay the fuck away from my trunk."

"Oh come," she said her voice becoming a high pitched whine. "We were in smelly trunk and now you're just going to abandon us. This is New York City! We could get killed or raped. Or worse robbed!'

"How is getting robbed possibly worse than getting killed or raped?"

"That's not important," Lillian sighed with a casual wave of her hand. "What is important is that you not leave us with absolutely nothing."

"Nothing?" I asked. "You guys didn't pack anything!"

"There was no room," Lillian explained. "Even after we threw your guy's stuff out Katie E. Had to huddle herself into a ball."

"You threw out our stuff?" I asked my eyes growing wide.

"Only the two big suitcases."

"There were only two suitcases!" I felt like I was going to faint or throw up or maybe commit a triple homicide. "No we have nothing! My purse was in those suitcases. We have no money."

"What?" Jane asked suddenly becoming very alert to the conversation.

"We have no stuff," I answered shaking my head, I still couldn't believe someone would be stupid enough to do that. "They took it out of the trunk so they could fit."

"I going to fucking kill you Lillian!" Jane yelled lunging at Lillian but the Katies each held one of her arms, effectively restraining her.

"Kill me?" Lillian asked her mouth agape. "The Katies did it too!"

"They are obviously mindless pod people who are under your control," Jane explained. "That's the only reasonable explanation for all their similarities."

"That's stupid."

"Steph back me up."

I shook me head, "We have bigger things to worry about. But I'm not saying the pod people idea isn't a possibility. And lets not kill anyone, we don't want to end up with the fine boys of the NYPD."

"Or do we?" Jane asked and I gave her a funny look. "Okay fine, we don't."

"What do you think we should do?" someone asked, I wasn't sure who I was actually trying to phase out the three stowaways and the hope that they would disappear and our luggage would magically reappear.

This wasn't how I'd thought Jane's and my big trip to New York city would have turned out. We're not in the city for more than ten minutes when Jane thought she heard something in the trunk. She had gotten out to check and suddenly we had gone from party of two to a party of five. I let a sigh and tried to think of a solution to the myriad of problems that appeared in the short period of time we'd been out of the Toyota. "Jane do you have any money."

Jane dug in her pocket and came up with a couple crumpled bills. "It's a grand total of thirty-five dollars."

"Lillian, Katie, Katie how about you?" I asked and they all shook there heads. Lillian produced a twenty and the Katies each had a ten. I dug in my own pocket to find nothing but a five. "So all together we have eighty dollars."

"How long does it has to last us?"

I shrugged, "Until we can find away to get more money."

"What now?" Lillian asked looking around at the very imposing city that surrounded us.

"I think we should find a place to stay," I answered.

"Well it better be close and cheap," Jane sighed as she moved back to the drivers side of the car.

Lillian made her way to the passenger's seat but I blocked her way. "You're in the back or you're not coming." Lillian mumbled something under her breath but pried open the back door and slunk in. I situated myself in the front and Jane began to drive. We hadn't been in the car for five minutes before suddenly there was a myriad of horns blaring at us.

"I'm not doing anything wrong," Jane screamed out the window. "And I'm from out of state give me a break!"

I let my body slide lower in my seat as the sounds of the horns slowly disillusioned me with the city I had dreamt about since I was twelve. "Welcome to fucking New York," I mumbled as I stared out the window at the concrete jungle.


	2. Love, Mimi

**Chapter 2: Love Mimi**

Someone must have said something funny because the long table erupted in laughter, everyone other than Joanne that is. She sat glaring at her father, he mush have made the funny/humiliating remark.

"Oh come on Pookie," Maureen cooed. "It was funny."

"No it wasn't," Joanne said her voice tight and lips set in an even tighter line. "I was fourteen for goodness sakes!"

I briefly wondered what I had missed but my restless mind couldn't remain focused. My eyes fell on the tiny silver ring I wore on my pinkie. It was a cheap thing from one of those machines that you put a quarter in and your prize comes out in little plastic egg. Little hearts had been pressed into the cheap metal and they gleamed in the mood lighting of the restaurant. It was all I had left of her, a cheap ring that was so tiny it only fit on my pinkie and barely there at that. So much for the everlasting love I thought I had. It had eroded away due to drugs, infidelity, and all the other shit the world had decided to throw at us, until all that was left was a snuffed out candle and a love song that was beginning to not sound as perfect as it once had.

I still remember finding the note, women I love always leave notes when they're about to leave me forever. First April had left her note, "We have AIDS". What the fuck kind of note was that anyway? No "I love you Roger". No "I'm sorry I ruined your life?" Just three little words that almost completely ended my life along with hers in that bloody bathroom. But I had managed to move on. Move on into the arms of Mimi. Mimi, the name still hurt. She had been my savior brought me back to life and I done the same for her, at least I thought I had. Mimi had at least had the decency to right an actual letter.

"Dear Roger,  
I don't want you to think that I don't love you because I do. I love you more than I can put into words but I can't stay. My mother is sick. I'm going out West to be with her. I'm not coming back, I might not get to come back. It's better this way. Please move on, I need to know that you're happy. We both know that I don't have much time left. I know you never wanted to watch me die and this way you won't have to.  
Love,  
Mimi"

She'd actually signed it "Love, Mimi", even after in the end she found a way to blame her leaving on me. I didn't want to watch her die so she had to leave as a favor to me. She would remain Mimi the poor girl with the emotionally unattached boyfriend who had to leave for his own good. And I would remain Roger the fuck-up who could never face up to his feelings and lost the woman he loved because of it. I would always be Roger the fuck-up.

Mark caught my eye and mouthed the words, 'You wanna get you of here?' to me and I nodded.

Neither of us offered an explanation as to why were suddenly leaving the small party but then again noone bothered to ask.

"I can't believe Joanne and Maureen are engaged," Mark sighed as we made our way towards Avenue B.

I shrugged, "It's not like it's not like they're really engaged Mark, two chicks can't get married."

"It doesn't matter if they're getting married or not," he insisted. "It's just that fact that Maureen is committing herself to Joanne, something I could never get her to do for me."

I shrugged again, personally they only thing I thought Maureen needed to be committed to was a psych ward but Mark probably didn't want to hear that. "If it makes you feel any better I bet that before the end of the night Maureen will probably end up crashing on out couch because Joanne kicked her out."

"That really doesn't make me feel any better Rog."

"Can't blame me for trying."

"You weren't trying," he sighed. "You were just being your normal jackass self."

"Hey," I said raising my hands as to ward off the insult. "You're the one whose upset, I was just being a friend and trying to cheer you up, and then you go out calling me a jackass."

"But I don't want Maureen and Joanne to fail as a couple."

"What?" I asked truly confounded by Mark even though he'd been my best friend for years. "You're totally still in love in with Maureen, hell you were afraid to see her after you two broke up but then didn't stop you from running to her as soon she needed your help. But you want her to be with Joanne the woman she left you for, even though you're completely freaking out over the fact that they're committing to each other. You make no fucking sense!"

Mark didn't seem to phased by what I said, we'd had this conversation many times before. "I can't explain the complex inner workings of my mind."

"I think you've been spending to much time behind that camera of yours."

"Hey, I didn't bring it to dinner tonight."

"Yeah," I snorted. "After I pried it out of your hands."

"Like you're any better with that guitar of yours," he retorted. "When's the last time you've spent more than an hour away from that thing."

"Tonight," I answered smugly.

"You're a child."

I rolled my eyes, "And you're a whiny little bitch."

"That reminds me, Collins called." I stared at Mark unsure of how my calling him a 'whiny little bitch' made him think of Collins. "He'll be back in town soon."

"I still can't believe MIT took him back just to fire him again," I sighed thinking of my favorite anarchist / philosopher / professor.

Mark didn't respond, he was looking at something. We had just turned onto Avenue B and the building which housed our industrial loft was in view but that wasn't what had caught his eye. Two girls, at least they appeared to be girls, were wondering down the nearly deserted street. They walked with such uncertainty it was clear they were lost.

I shook my head knowing what Mark was thinking. "No man it's late let's just go home."

"But they look like they're lost and it's not safe for them to be out."

"Exactly, it's not safe. How many times has Collins been mugged by people pretending to need help?"

"Once," Mark shot back. "And you don't seriously believe that they're going to mug us, do you?"

I shrugged, "They might. This New York, don't trust anyone you don't know."

"Angel would have helped them." Mark said starting to pick up his pace to catch up with the girls.

I sighed at that, indeed Angel would have walked up to the girls and if they had been truly lost helped them find their way back to where ever they needed to be. Mark had always been in awe of the time Angel had helped the lost group of tourists get out of Alphabet City and was now properly thinking this was his chance to do the same. Never mind that it had been broad daylight when Angel had helped her groups of tourists, not the middle of the night.

"Wait," I called as shortened the distance between himself and the girls. He didn't listen but kept jogging. "They're going to rape you Mark and you're to scrawny to defend yourself!" He still didn't turn. I heaved a sigh and began to try and catch up with my chivalrous friend.

(Jane)

"I can't believe we ran out of gas," Stephanie muttered as we made our way cautiously down the dark street. A car honked it's horn on some adjacent street causing her to jump, we weren't in the best neighborhood that was for sure.

"I can't believe those chicken shits refused to get out of the stupid car, I mean they are such little wusses, I think you should have let me kill..."

She held up her hand to silence me. "Did you hear that?" I hadn't heard anything. "Voices," she insisted.

I closed my eyes, for some reason unknown to me I heard better with my eyes closed. I was about to tell Steph that she was off her rocker when I heard them. The sounded male but I couldn't make out any of the words. "Omigod!" I cried suddenly wishing I had stayed in the car. "Let's go."

"Shouldn't we see if they can help?" Steph asked hesitantly as if she didn't want to do it but she felt that she should. "I mean we can't assume that everyone is going to hurt us."

"Yeah I guess..." I stopped mid sentence. I heard the voices again, this time one was yelling and I had definitely heard the word 'rape'.

Stephanie must have heard it because she looked at me and cried, "Run!"

Now one thing about Stephanie and I is that we were never the most coordinated of people and when we made a run for it, it was pretty much a catastrophe. Somehow one of my legs hooked around one of hers sending both of us wobbling. Stephanie apparently thought it would be wise to keep trying to run and that sent me flopping to the ground. Now maybe I'm a bad friend but I didn't think that it would have been fair if she got away and I was raped by a homicidal manic, so I grabbed her leg before she could get away. Maybe that hadn't been the best plan. I had hit the ground with my arms out to help break the fall but Stephanie hadn't been as prepared for her spill as I had. She hit the hard sidewalk head first with a sickening crack.

"Stephanie?" I asked tentatively shaking her leg.

"You bitch," she groaned turning to look at me. There was a cut on her forehead and I could see a bruise beginning to form but other than that she seemed fine. "Why'd you grab my leg." She closed her eyes and laid her head back against the concrete before I could answer. I prayed silently that she wasn't having a concussion or something.

"So we could die together," I answered even though I was pretty sure she couldn't hear me. I listened to footsteps getting closer. "And you know what? Our mothers were right, we shouldn't have come to New York. We should have gone to Disney World or something safe like that." I was completely freaking out now but come on I was lying on the sidewalk in New York waiting for someone I was pretty sure wanted to rape me to catch up. It occurred to me briefly that I could have got up and left Stephanie laying there most likely unconscious. But I didn't instead I closed my eyes and cried for Stephanie to wake up.

"Omigod, are you guys alright?" a concerned voice asked.

I opened my eyes to see a friendly face looking down at me. Bright blue eyes behind thick square frame accessed me. The glasses and the fact that the guy's hair was cut short and stuck up slightly in the front reminded instantly of my little brother. Not exactly what you expect from your rapist.

"I'm fine," I answered relief evident in my voice. "But my friend." I sat up finally realizing how ridiculous I must have looked just laying there when there was nothing really wrong with me. "She hit her head."

The guy nodded but was cut off by the arrival of another guy. "Jesus Christ! What happened to them?

"We fell," I answered looking at the new guy. I was relieved that the first guy had been there when I opened my eyes, the second guy would have been a much more intimidating sight. His bleached blonde hair fell in waves that brushed against the back of his collar in a way that seemed almost wild and untamed. Piercings gleamed from his ears, I counted five in each, and when he spoke I saw a gleam that looked suspiciously like a tongue stud. His green eyes seemed to look deceivingly dull, almost as if there was a fire lit beneath but it was reaching all the way to surface.

"Why'd you pull your friend down?" the first guy asked. "I mean if you don't mind me asking. It's just I saw you go down and then you grabbed her leg." I blushed embarrassed by my actions. "I wasn't thinking, I guess I just didn't want her to leave me."

"Is she okay?" the second guy asked looking at Stephanie still form.

I shook my head and felt my eyes well with something that felt suspiciously like tears. "I don't know. She said a couple things to me but then she just laid her head back down. I think she might have a concussion."

Guy number one nodded and guy number two grabbed his arm pulling him away from me. I watched them talk for a while but couldn't hear what they were saying, they properly didn't want me to hear what they're saying. They seemed to be arguing but like I said I couldn't hear them so I wasn't sure. Finally they walked back to me. Guy number two moved passed me and moved to pick Stephanie off the ground.

"Hey!" I cried.

Guy number one looked at me and smiled slightly. "We live in a loft in that building right over there." I followed his hand to a what looked like a rundown warehouse to me, well it was the only warehouse I'd ever seen with fire escapes. "You guys can stay there until she wakes up."

Guy number two gave me a exasperated look and I gave him a slight nod. He bent down and picked Stephanie up. I felt almost sick when I saw how limply she hung in his arms.

Suddenly I remembered the three chicken shits in the Toyota. "Our other friends are waiting in our car. We ran out of gas and they stayed behind with the car. It's a ways down there." I pointed in the direction Stephanie and I trekked. As much as I hated to think it, it wouldn't have been right to leave them in the car.

Guy number one nodded, "Okay. You and I will go get them and Roger will take your friend back to the loft."

I didn't know if I wanted to leave Stephanie but it seemed like the best thing to do. I nodded and guy number two, apparently his name was Roger, started with Stephanie towards the building guy number one had pointed to.

"Don't worry she'll be fine," he said as if sensing my worry. "Roger won't hurt her."

"Okay," I said my voice was softer than normal. "I'm Jane by the way. Jane Davis."

He smiled at that. "Davis, huh?" I nodded unsure of what was so interesting about my last name. "I'm Mark Cohen."


	3. Safe Sex

**Chapter 3: Safe Sex**

(Stephanie)

My head hurt like a, like a...well it hurt so much I couldn't even think of a simile to describe it. I opened eyes to almost complete darkness. I sat up and felt a wave of dizziness that made me lay back down. I had no clue where I was and had no memory of what happened after Jane and I started running. Well that's not completely true, I remembered hitting the ground and then I think I must have blacked out. So we'd been running from what we thought were half crazed rapists and then we fell, and now I'm in a strange place. I that seemed cause to panic. I don't know what most people do when they're panicking but Stephanie R. Wallace screams her head off.

So there I was sitting on what seemed to a crappy twin bed when this guy bursts into the room and turns on the light. The sudden appearance of light in the room blinded me for a second but I kept screaming at the top of my lungs. "What the fuck?" the guy yelled over my screams. "What's wrong with you?"

He moved closer to the bed but I pulled away and with all my gracefulness fell onto the floor with a undignified thud. I managed to pull myself off the floor and held my hand out to ward off the stranger from coming any closer. "Stay back!" I yelled. "Who are you? What happened? Where's Jane? Where am I? Don't rape me! Wait if you do please use a condom. You may be a half crazed rapist but there's always time to be safe."

"Will you just calm down," the guy said I guess he was trying to sound comforting but her really just sounded pissed off. "I'm not going to rape you."

He made to move closer again but I yelled again. "Don't come any closer!"

He heaved a sigh but remained where he was. Since I was done screaming I took a chance to observe my surrounding. It seemed to be a bedroom and not a very good one at that. There was hardly anything other than the twin bed, which I knew for a fact had a terrible mattress since I had been lying one it. A milk crate seemed to serve as a night stand and there was a dresser that looked like it was ready to collapse. The floor was littered with balled up pieces of paper and I was pretty sure I saw some decomposing food in one corner.

I turned up my nose in a grimace, talking a small break from my panic to be disgusted. "Do you ever clean this place?"

"Oh know that you're done screaming at me you're going to comment on my housekeeping skills." the guy sighed dryly.

"I never said I was done screaming," I said furrowing my brow. "I just needed to take a little break."

"Oh well please resume your totally unnecessary tirade," he said sarcastically

"Who are you?" I asked this time not yelling or screaming.

"I'm Roger," he answered. "And you are?"

"Stephanie," I said unsure of what to think of Roger. He was actually kinda cute but I didn't think I should have been thinking that he was cute. I mean for all I knew he could have brutally murdered Jane and was waiting to do the same to me. "Where am I?"

"You're in an industrial loft on the corner of Avenue B and 11th Street," he said his answer oddly specific. "In New York but I figured you knew that much."

I nodded but asked warily, "Where's Jane?" That was the million dollar question. If he answered that he murdered her I would need to think up an escape plan but I was hoping it wouldn't come to that because my head really hurt, and I didn't want Jane to be dead of course.

"She and Mark went to get your friends," he answered. "Something about them being in your car."

"Mark?" I asked.

"My roommate," Roger answered and I must have looked worried. "Don't worry your friend is fine."

"What happened?"

"You fell and hit you're head, actually I think you're friend pulled you down."

"That bitch," I said quietly. I suddenly remembered Jane grabbing my leg and to think I was actually hoping that she hadn't died. I touched forehead and found a protruding bump that hurt like hell when I touched it. "Ow!"

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you," Roger said and it actually sounded like he was laughing slightly.

"Are you laughing at me?" I asked my eyes growing wide. "Don't laugh at me." I touched the bump gently and flinched but didn't voice my pain. I didn't know if the bump was swelling but I'd hit my head enough as small child to know that I was in for some pain and a really ugly looking bump.

Roger was watching and he suddenly began to back out of the room. "Don't go anywhere," he said as he disappeared.

"Like I was going to," I mumbled. "I don't even know where I am.

"Like I said, a loft on 11th street and Avenue B," he called

"I don't even know where Avenue B is!"

Roger suddenly reappeared holding a can of beer which he extended to me. "Here," he said simply.

I looked at the beer and then up at him. "Um, no thanks." I didn't see how beer would help the situation, I wasn't even old enough to legally drink.

He let a sigh that showed he was pretty damn annoyed with me at that moment. We were standing closer than we had been before but when he moved to touch me I recoiled slightly. He let out another aggravated sigh and grabbed my arm. I don't what I was expecting but it wasn't for him to press the can to forehead.

"Oh," I said realization dawning on me. "The cold will help the swelling go down."

"Yeah," he said his voice short, he obviously used to dealing with teenage girls or at least teenage girls like me.

He removed his hand from the can and I placed mine where his had been. "So, um, Roger," I mumbled. "I guess I should like thank you or something."

"Or something," he said. "You'll want to thank Mark, it was his grand idea to help you two. Why did you guys start to run anyway?"

I blushed, "Oh it's not important."

"You guys freaked out didn't you," Roger said giving me a grin that was truly wicked.

"We've only been in the city a few hours and we were lost, you can't really blame us," I said defensively.

"How old are you?"

The question caught me off guard. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-four," he answered.

Damn. I thought. I'd been hoping he wouldn't answer so I wouldn't have to but it appeared I would have to now. "I'm eighteen."

"You're only eighteen and you were out wondering the streets of New York! Are you stupid?"

"I resent that," I said furrowing my brow. "I'm not stupid I'm naive."

"Oh and there's such a big difference," he said with a role of his eyes, which I couldn't help but notice were green.

"I don't have to justify my actions to you," I said sticking up my chin in what I hoped was a dignified manor. I tried to push past him in a huff but ended up stumbling and almost falling flat on my face but luckily, or I guess in a way unluckily, Roger was there to catch me.

(Jane)

"She's in there?" I asked Mark pointing to the door he had indicated as his roommates room.

"Yeah I think so," he said with a nod.

"We're hungry," the Katies said together.  
"Oh God," I mumbled quietly. "They're taking in unison again." I quickly made way out of the main room of the loft because one, I didn't want to hear anymore creepy Katies talking in unison and two, I wanted to check on Stephanie. But mostly the Katies were creeping me out. When I walked into the small bedroom I was instantly glad I had arrived when I did. Stephanie was in the arms of our attacker!

"Don't rape my friend!" I yelled as I pounced onto the man. I pulled myself off his back and glanced around. "I don't even see a condom," I said disgusted. "If you're going to rape my friend at least practice safe raping. For all I know you could have AIDS!"

"I wasn't raping your friend," the guy said trying to get off the floor. "She fell I caught her, end of story."

"That's what all rapists say!" I shouted back trying to pull Stephanie as far away from the guy as possible.

"Don't you remember me?" the guy asked. "We met on the street."

I narrowed my eyes at him and suddenly recognized him as Mark's roommate. "Oh I'm such a silly goose. You're Mark's roommate Rick."

"Roger," he corrected.

"Whatever," I said waving my hands. "No hard feelings about the tackling to the ground, right?"

"It's okay," he said with a shrug. "I kinda figured you were a crazy bitch when you pulled Stephanie here to the ground."

"Just trying to protect her from the rapists," I sighed. "But I guess that didn't work because she ended up here with you anyway."

Roger rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to respond but Stephanie cut him off. "Hey speaking of rapists, are Lillian and the Katies here?"

I nodded, "Yes they are, and they are creeping me out."

"Well lets go see them before someone actually gets raped or brutally murdered."

The three of us walked into the main room of the loft where Mark was sitting as far away from the others as humanly possible. He was clearly freaked out by the Katies as much as I or maybe it was the fact that Lillian had bitch slapped him early, I just didn't know.

"Hey," Stephanie said waving to our three friends.

"Everybody," I said clearing my throat and gesturing to Roger. "This is Rapist."

"Jane," Stephanie sighed.

"Fine," I sighed. "This is Roger." Everyone seemed pretty happy but then I added. "The rapist."


	4. Cartman

**Chapter Four: Cartman**

**(NOTE: We know Rene Zellweger was not a famous actress during the time RENT is set, we just wanted to put her in the story)**

(Lillian)

"Are you really a rapist?" I asked studying the guy Jane had identified.

He shook his head, "No Jane is just a psycho bitch."

"I hate you Roger the Raping Rapist," Jane shot back.

"I don't care," Roger sighed moving to sit on the couch.

"Well you should care," Jane said eyeing Roger. "I hated a someone once before and you know what happened to her?"

"No," he answered. "And I don't care.

"Oh well like I said before you should care," she replied. "Stephanie tell him what happened to Emily."

Stephanie let out a sigh and answered, "She conveniently died."

"Jane you killed someone," the Katies gasped together.

"I'm not surprised," I sighed. "Like Roger said she's one crazy psycho bitch."

"Hey!" Jane cried. "I never said I killed anyone she just conveniently died."

"How'd she die?" Mark asked finally speaking up.

"Fell off a bridge," Stephanie answered with another sigh.

"So beware Roger, you rapist you," Jane said once again turning her attention back to him. "You could be falling off a bridge in the very near future."

Roger rolled his eyes apparently unperturbed by Jane's threats. "Whatever you say."

"I see you still need some convincing of my awesome power," Jane sighed.

"What power?" I asked with a snort.

"Hey Lillian," she said turning to me. "Why don't you go take a long walk on a short pier? Any who back to making this filthy rapist fear me. I hated Renee Zellweger and look what happened to her."

"She won the Oscar?" Mark supplied weakly.

"Well yeah she did but I had nothing to do with that," Jane answered. "Stephanie tell 'em what happened to Renee Zellweger."

Stephanie sighed yet once again before answering. "She married Kenny Chesney."

"That's right!" Jane cried triumphantly. "Renee Zelllweger and Kenny Chesney's marriage was my own sick and twisted revenge plan. That was all me baby."

"You had nothing to do with their marriage," Roger sighed shaking his head.

"Fine," Jane said crossing her arms over her chest. "Doubt my power you loser, and by loser I mean rapist. I wouldn't be surprised if you conveniently died or got married to country singing sensation tomorrow. That's how mad my skills are."

"Jane you're freakin' insane!" the Katies cried together as always.

"That may be," Jane sighed but then seemed to lose her train of thought. "Um, I'm thirsty. I think I'm gonna go try and find a soda machine."

"Can we come too?" the Katies asked.

"Sure," Jane asked. "We can whore you two out for money to buy the soda."

"Hey," the Katies cried together. "Don't whore us out, whore out Stephanie!"

"Hey!" Stephanie cried. "Don't whore out me! Whore out that guy!" She pointed to Mark.

"Hey!" Mark cried. "First of all, my name is Mark. Second of all, do you think I'd get many customers?"

"Oh yeah," Jane answered with a nod. "You're looking at one right now." Jane tried to wink at Mark but really only ended blinking a couple times.

"Were you winking?" Mark asked.

"I can't close one eye without closing both of them," Jane answered.

"Okay," Mark nodded. "But anyway everything you just said was really creepy."

"Creepy is my middle name," Jane said and then blinked, well I guess she was really trying to wink but you never know with her.

"Was that one a wink?" Roger asked.

"No you stupid rapist," she answered. "I was blinking, my eyes are dry. Well anyway bitches I'm out, gotta go find me a soda."

"Can we please come?" the Katies asked. "Only you can't whore us out."

"Fine," Jane sighed. "You can come. There's an experiment I've wanted do."

"What experiment?" Stephanie asked.

Jane gestured to the Katies. "I want to see if I kill one of them the other one dies too."

"Okay then," Stephanie said with a nod. "Have fun with that."

"Jane you really wouldn't kill us would you?" the Katies asked following Jane out the door of the loft.

"Of course not," she answered. "I need you to make the money. Now put on your lipstick ladies, we're going to meet some customers."

"Jane is so fucking retarded," I sighed once she had left the room."

"Yet in a way she's a genius," Stephanie sighed.

"Well whatever I'm calling me mom."

"What?" she cried. "You can't call your mother. Are you insane?"

"I'm not insane," I answered. "I just want to see if she if she'll wire us some cash so we don't actually end up having to whore someone out."

"If you call your mother she'll call my mother," Stephanie said looking anxious. "And then I'll be screwed because my parents will freak and lock me away from the world. I can say bye bye to college."

"Would you parents really not let you got o college?" Mark asked.

She shrugged, "I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't. My parents are insane, a lot like Lillian."

"I'm not insane!" I yelled. "And I'm calling my mother whether you like it or not, so ha!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"No you're not!"

"Ow!"

"Ow?"

"I bit my tongue," I explained.

"Well you're not calling your mother," she insisted

"Yes I am!"

Stephanie opened her mouth to respond but Roger cut her off. "Please don't start that again you two."

"But she can't call her mother," she whined. "I'll get in trouble."

"Well screw you bitch," I said moving towards Mark and Roger's phone. "I'm calling her anyway."

"God damn you Lillian," she cried stomping her foot. "You need to respect my authority!"

My jaw dropped when I heard what she had just said. "Oh my God! Steph you are such a Cartman!"

"What?" she gasped. "I am not a Cartman. If anyone is a Cartman it's you!"

"No!" I yelled back. "You are the Cartman and you now it!"

"Who the fuck is Cartman?" Roger asked.

Mark shrugged, "I have no clue."

"Let's just watch them fight," Roger sighed.

"Uh okay."

"Lillian just admit it!" Stephanie shouted back at me. "You are one hundred percent the Cartman out of all our friends."

I have a feeling Steph and I might have completely broke out in all out fight with hair pulling, slamming each other into walls, you know the whole enchilada. But I guess we got lucky because apparently Jane and the Katies were finished getting their soda because they chose to waltz back into the loft at the moment.

"For the last time," Jane cried sounding aggravated. "I'm not fat, I'm big boned, you skinny bitch!"

Stephanie and I looked at each other for a moment before I spoke. "Maybe Jane's the Cartman."

"Yeah," she nodded. "Jane is definitely the Cartman."


End file.
